Pro Tip: Don’t Waste Your Time With Tactical Masturbation

“It’s nearly impossible for a qualified firearms instructor to get their message out by using YouTube (or Instagram 0r whatever). It’s so full of people doing ‘stupid human tricks’ that thoughtful advice gets buried under all the B.S.”

That quote came in a recent text conversation that yours truly had with one of the most qualified firearms instructors in the United States. The man in question, in addition to being a combat veteran and firearms trainer, has a doctorate in education.

Tactical Masturbation

Though you may not have put that particular name on it, we have all witnessed tactical masturbation. Like the more traditional form of self-gratification, tactical masturbation might be enjoyable or a good way to pass a short amount of time, but in the end it has little practical application.

Tactical masturbation fits the description of stupid human tricks as my friend mentioned at the outset of this piece. There are entire YouTube channels devoted to the performance of shooting tricks and flashy showmanship, the intent of which is to give the viewer a quick thrill for a minute or two.

I would shun flashy trick-shooting, grandstand play, as I would poison. ~Wyatt Earp

These flashy shooting tricks are seductive. The “influencers” in question may have gotten 100,000 or even a million “views” by performing them. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that a million views somehow equates to realism or practicality. People see others performing stupid human tricks, they take note of their online popularity, and believe that they should do their best to emulate that. It becomes a vicious cycle.

These grandstand plays can be even more seductive when performed by people we hold in high regard. Competition shooters are the primary suspects. Surely someone with big name sponsors, who consistently ranks high in national shooting competitions, would only behave in a way that’s tactically sound…right?

I intend to point out three examples of what I see as some of the most prevalent forms of tactical masturbation. It looks cool, it might be fun, but it has essentially nothing to do with practical gunfighting or martial tactics.

Catching Live Rounds

This one is so prevalent and seen so often in video clips, as well as at live events, that I thought it merited mention first. By catching a live round I mean ejecting a live, unfired cartridge out of a semi-automatic handgun in such a way that the shooter catches it mid-air with their non-dominant hand.

This action is normally performed as a part of the “unload and show clear” retarded Kabuki dance that’s a part of almost every pistol competition in existence. And since the stage of fire has been completed, rarely will range officers ever call the shooter on it unless they muzzle the crowd or fumble the gun.

I won’t even bother to address the pure f*cktardation of forcing “master class” shooters to holster empty guns in the interest of safety, particularly during events that claim to be “practical” or “tactical.”

Catching unfired rounds, instead of just letting them fall harmlessly to the ground as God intended, instills some dangerous habits. First of all, in the effort to look cool, the shooter stops focusing on handling their handgun properly and focuses instead on juggling a pistol and cartridge.

This also shows a demonstrated lack of seriousness on the part of the participant. It is buffoonery. Rather than treat the exercise like serious preparation for a potential deadly force event, we instead are transported to the circus. The shooter adds purposeless movements into their routine. Rather than paring the action down to only the most necessary and required motions, we intentionally add stupid human tricks into the mix.

Efficient and effective firearms manipulation — mastery if you will — doesn’t result from continuously adding to the process. Like sculpting from stone, the masterpiece isn’t revealed by addition, but by removing everything that is superfluous and unnecessary.

Keep in mind, that technique is for the benefit of the viewer, not the shooter. ~Jay “Nighttmare” Gibson

Racing Back to the Holster

Though no one ever gets bonus points or time removed from a competition stage for getting their pistol back in its holster the fastest, we still witness people who seem to believe the opposite is true. This isn’t just the case with competitors, either. If you ever have the chance to observe institutionalized law enforcement or military training, you will see men and women racing back to their holsters all the time.

I’ve seen it a thousand times, and when I was young, I was most certainly guilty of doing it. The actions play out like this: “Shooters, on command fire two rounds.” “Fire!” Bam, Bam. The shooter draws and fires two shots and is back in the holster as fast as humanly possible, like a shooting robot.

It soon becomes a source of pride for the good shooters on the line to draw, fire, and be back in the holster before other slower shooters on the line have even completed the drill. We become masters of speed reholstering.

The problem is that we tend to go out on the street and perform motions exactly as we’ve mastered them on the square range. A threat appears, we draw, fire two shots, and race back to the holster…only to realize that the shots didn’t vaporize the villain. We have witnessed dash cam video that shows this exact circumstance.

What is worse is that people will race back to the holster, rushing to get the gun put away and causing a negligent discharge because a finger, piece of clothing, or some other foreign object has found its way into the trigger guard area.

We rapidly, if not violently attempt to put the gun away. More than one negligent discharge has occurred due to the shooter being in an unnecessary hurry to get their gun back in its holster.

Press Checking

I actually saw a post online where a firearms training site was promoting the press check as a “critical survival skill.” Was I taught to press check? Yes, I was. The press check, for the uninitiated, is the act of putting a light to moderate amount of pressure on the action of a semi-auto firearm in order to look in the chamber area to ensure a round has been chambered.

Yes, I know some of you are experiencing tremors and possibly having actual convulsions right now, but please be intellectually honest enough to keep reading. The press check originated from the institutionalized stupidity of forcing or encouraging people to carry unloaded or half-loaded guns. People who habitually carry guns with a magazine inserted and the chamber empty (AKA “Israeli carry“) suffer from a constant nervousness that their guns aren’t actually loaded, even after they’ve gone through the loading process.

The other big reason for performing a press check is that people have no faith in their equipment or confidence in the hardware they’re carrying. “But, what if the spring in my magazine didn’t provide enough power to put a round in the chamber?” “What if I short-stroked the slide and didn’t chamber a round?” We go right back to equipment and training issues.

Habitual press-checking is one of the top reasons for shooter-induced stoppages in self-loading guns. If you want to teach a shooter how to induce a stoppage like a champ, teach them to press check.

I have witnessed — on numerous occasions — students in the middle of a shooting problem, reload their guns and then, rather than continue to engage targets, stop and perform a press check. That’s not a bad shooter, that’s bad instruction.

I once viewed a video of the senior firearms instructor (from a school whose name you would recognize) who began a shooting demonstration by drawing his pistol, pausing to perform a press check, and then he commenced engaging the target.

Parting Thoughts

Not all tactical masturbation is the fault of the student. Far too many shooting instructors and schools still teach and/or allow wasteful and unnecessary motions and movements to become part of their exercises.

If your desire in the use of arms is merely self-gratification and gamesmanship, drive on and feel free to disregard the previous suggestions. However, if your stated purpose in owning, training, and practicing with arms is the perfection of martial discipline, stupid human tricks should have no part in your routine.

The only true way to discern the good from the bad, the fact from the bullcrap, is total immersion in the subject matter. Train with numerous instructors and schools, read and research, seek out those whose reputations have been built upon carrying a gun and fighting with one.

 

Paul G. Markel is a combat decorated United States Marine veteran. He is also the founder of Student the Gun University and has been teaching Small Arms & Tactics to military personnel, police officers, and citizens for over three decades.