On Winning Without Fighting

“All I wanted to do was eat my sandwich.” So said a close friend of mine as he explained a situation that occurred where he was forced to confront a bully in public. He went on to elaborate. “We, my wife and I, had been driving all day long and we were both tired and hungry. Coming up on one of those highway travel plazas, we saw that it had a sandwich shop inside. It seemed good enough. It was probably around 7 p.m. and the place was not crowded. We placed our sandwich orders and within a couple of minutes we were seated at our table. I took the chair facing the entrance and my wife took the chair facing the sandwich shop counter.” 

My friend paused, looked at the ceiling, exhaled audibly, and continued. “We had both started eating, as I said, I was hungry and weary from driving all day. After a minute or two, without a word, my wife got up and walked toward the sandwich counter. I didn’t think anything of it, assuming she was going to get condiments or something simple. It was not until I heard a loud voice behind me yell, “Hey a**hole, you better come get her before I come and get you!” 

“In my mind I thought, well this is happening. I remember placing both hands flat on the table and pushing the chair back, it made a loud squeaking/grinding sound on the floor. I stood up, turned around and spotted the source of the threat. Standing near my wife was a large stranger, a man who likely stood six foot four, maybe a bit more. He had one of those fat guts that men over forty just seem to accept as a given. The police report would have said ‘large, caucasian male, 6’ 4”, 300 pounds, dark hair, blue flannel shirt, jeans, 40 to 45 years of age.”

“What did you say?” I asked, to which my pal replied, “I didn’t say a word. I made eye contact immediately and kept it locked in as I walked directly toward him. I suppose it took him a couple seconds and he decided to make a hasty exit. He was in the company of his mousy, brow-beaten wife and a male child, about twelve or thirteen. The loud mouth put out his arms to push his family back and toward the exit. He didn’t turn his back on me, but kept back peddling toward the exit door. As he neared the door he said, ‘We’re good, right? Are we good?”

My friend continued, “To be completely honest, I don’t recall answering him and he didn’t wait for me to answer as he hustled his family out to the parking lot. I stood by the exit door for a bit and watched them get into a vehicle and drive away. It was only then that I turned to my wife and asked, ‘Do you want to tell me what that was all about?”

I must admit, my friend had me in a grip of suspense wondering what set these events in motion. “First off, you need to understand that my wife has been some kind of restaurant manager all of her life. With a strong maternal instinct, she has never allowed a customer to abuse one of her people if she was present. My bride explained to me that right after we sat down, that the big, fat stranger was at the sandwich shop counter berating and bullying the poor woman who was working all by herself that evening. When my wife saw that poor woman begin to cry, she had seen enough. As I mentioned, without giving me a heads up, my wife, who stands five foot three, marched right up and put herself between the bully and clerk.” 

Now my friend really had me. “What did she say to him?” “Well, she is a pro, she asked the man, are you having a bad day? To which he replied, That’s none of your f*cking business.

Undaunted, my wife replied, That might be true, but you don’t need to treat her like that. She doesn’t deserve to be yelled at. Well, that was about the time when Mr. Bully thought that I should come and get her before he got me. I should mention that before I returned from the exit door, my wife was at the counter consoling the poor woman and checking on her wellbeing.” 

I laughed, “That is some woman you have there.” “Yes, she’s a pistol and I had no problem at all with her standing up for someone like that. Nonetheless, I asked that, in the future, she might give me some kind of heads up.” 

Winning Without Fighting 

I can’t speak for other areas of endeavor, but the gun space is filled with empty platitudes. One of which is You win every fight you don’t get into. On the face of it that seems like valid advice, right? Like wisdom? Regardless, we have to examine that from the reality that you don’t always get to choose. In the previous case, my friend’s wife could have taken the stance of it’s not her business and just allowed the bully to berate that poor woman to tears. While that might have been the safe thing to do, would it have been the moral thing to do? 

We hear those who think they’re spouting wisdom say things such as, Your first duty as a concealed carrier is to avoid the fight, get away if you can. Okay, again, that supposes that you get to make that decision.

In the Greenwood Park Mall in July of 2022, Eli Dicken and his girlfriend were enjoying a meal when a maniac with a rifle started indiscriminately shooting people. Dicken and his girl were forty yards away. He could have rushed her out of the mall and left the innocent shoppers to be slaughtered. After all, the pseudo experts say your first duty is to get away. Does anyone reading this wish that Dicken would have done the safe thing and run away? 

What if you’re with your wife and children or your grandchildren. When faced with a sudden deadly threat, should you just run away and hope your family can keep up with you?

The Wisdom of Musahi

I just finished reading a new book by Nicholas Orr entitled, “Book of Five Rings Study Guide for Modern Gunfighters.” If you carry a gun for personal protection and you haven’t read the Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi you really should.

What Orr has done is taken the Book of Five Rings, which has been translated numerous times by various authors, and broken down the teachings for 21st century readers. While Musashi discusses the use of the sword, Orr makes the comparison to the use of a firearm in mortal combat.

In his seminal work, Musashi states that, “Mastery is something a man never stops seeking to attain.” Throughout the Book of Five Rings, the author advises that once one has decided that mastery of the sword is his goal, constant study and training are required. 

One section that really stood out to me was this, 

We return to the spirit of resolve discussed by the master. As we touched on at the end of the Earth Scroll, Musashi states, “…you must set your heart on strategy and work earnestly while sticking to the Way. With time you will be able to beat men with your hands, and to defeat people by using your eyes. He continues, They will realize that you are a formidable opponent and will not have the heart to attack.”  

“Once you have accepted the need to study these attitudes, you can proceed with deliberateness, diligence and comfort. You will be able to beat many men by just looking them in the eye.” – Miyamoto Musashi

 

When I read that section, it hit me like a baseball bat to the noggin. The incident that we discussed at the beginning of this piece was exactly what Musashi pointed out. My friend has been involved in the martial application of arms for four decades. When the time came to face the threat, the bully in question, a man who had likely been intimidating and abusing people his whole life, saw the look on my friend’s face. He saw his eyes and decided that a quick retreat was the best choice.

As Musashi stated, he did not have the heart to attack. 

You Can’t Fool the Spirit of the Thing

In the Book of Five Rings, Musashi continuously tells his students that you must train diligently and without distraction. He speaks of the pursuit of the true Way and to seek out the “spirit of the thing.” However, you cannot fool the spirit of the thing. You cannot take shortcuts or pretend to understand the Way. 

An experienced fighter, one who has supreme confidence in his abilities based upon years of training, has what has been referred to as the “eye of the tiger.” It is a look that is difficult to define, but when you see it you know. Criminals, lifelong predators, bullies, and other vermin spend their entire lives sizing up their victims. You cannot fool them or bluff them. If your resolve is not true, they will see it in your eyes and be emboldened to attack with greater resolve. 

For decades, FBI analysts and investigators have interviewed human monsters and serial killers. These vermin have stated on innumerable occasions how they sized up their potential victims, often blaming the victim for what happened to them. 

Yes, you can win fights without fighting. Nonetheless, it is not so easy as just spouting off some empty platitude. Owning a gun does not automatically equate to safety. A gun is just an object. It is your heart, your spirit, your genuine resolve to do whatever is necessary to save your life and the lives of the ones you love that will determine whether or not a human predator will have the heart to attack you. 

 

PS: The new book, “Book of Five Rings Study Guide for Modern Gunfighters” is offered as a hardcover, paperback, Kindle version and an audiobook, so your excuses not to read it are few. 

 

 

Paul G. Markel is a combat decorated United States Marine veteran. He is also the founder of Student the Gun University and has been teaching Small Arms & Tactics to military personnel, police officers, and citizens for over three decades.