Armed Defense of a Third Party: Remember, It’s Not Your Circus and They Aren’t Your Monkeys

Nothing good happens after using violence in a case of self-defense…other than living to see another day. Unfortunately, I’ve been there and done that and have the bills, the dashcam video, and the therapist notes to show for it.

Real life isn’t like Hollywood. In meatspace, the good guy doesn’t walk off into the sunset with the pretty woman to live happily ever after. Far from it. For those already married (like me), your spouse might not even support your use of force in self-defense.

In this world, following a deadly force incident, not only may the good guy receive physical injuries, but mental fallout as well. That’s where a good therapist can make a world of difference, but many, if not most people fail to avail themselves to that treatment. And PTSD just keeps simmering in the background.

Those are the better outcomes. Even if you prudently exercise righteous use of force to counter criminal violence, you may still end up dead or crippled for life. If you live, you may well be arrested, strip-searched, and thrown in jail with a bunch of ne’er-do-wells. You could be sued by the criminal or his or her next-of-kin.

Those who use lethal force in self-defense frequently experience sleep disturbances (that’s a nice way of saying “nightmares”) and can suffer the Mark of Cain where folks look at them very differently after the incident.

Then, as an added bonus, you may also suffer depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, sexual dysfunction, and other health effects from the stress. You may turn to food, recreational or pharmaceutical drugs, or alcohol to cope.

You may be stripped of your guns while police investigate the case. All that while, at the same time, the criminal’s kinfolk may seek retribution from you or your now-disarmed family.

As I mentioned above, your spouse may be critical of your decision to use force in self-defense. Ditto for friends and family. You may even lose some “friends” and you might even lose your job. Or get a divorce. The financial implications can be staggering, especially if you don’t have a legal coverage insurance policy.

In short, it could very well be a be a huge mess.

Most of us who carry each and every day know and understand these risks of using a firearm in self-defense. At the same time we’re just not going to stand by and let some lunatic with a gun shoot down some kids on a playground around us. Or watch a child abduction and fail to intervene. We’re not going to let some violent criminal hurt our family members or people we care about.

We carry our guns because it’s better to face the aftermath of a violent incident that to be dead.  No one at our funeral will say, “It’s too bad he didn’t have his gun that day.”

We carry our guns because if we didn’t out of laziness and something terrible happened to our spouse or our children because we couldn’t stop it, that would be a terrible burden to bear for the rest of our lives.

Understanding some of the above life-changing risks of using deadly force, you can and should think really hard before intervening in an issue that doesn’t involve you or your family. Yes, your gut instinct might be charge in like a white knight. But it’s far better to assess the situation and first ask yourself, “Is this my circus and are these my monkeys?”

Make sure truly life-threatening exigent circumstances exist. Not just as a reasonable person might interpret them, but to a higher level…specifically “above and beyond the call of brains.” In other words, would your average Suzy Soccermom believe that the victim is under threat of death or great bodily injury? Suzy’s gonna be on the jury if things go sideways, not your firearms instructor or your shooting buddies.

Standards will vary by region. In Texas, for instance, “He needed killin’” is a semi-valid reason for using deadly force.  Try that in Chicago, Minneapolis, Seattle, or any one of the jurisdictions with Team Soros prosecutors and see where that gets you.

Given all that, knowing all of the downside of intervening, why would anyone help save someone else? Simply put, because it’s the moral and ethical thing to do.

While you almost certainly bear no legal responsibility to act, you have to go to sleep every night for the rest of your life. Did people die because you shirked your perceived duty to step in? That would be a heavy burden to bear, especially if innocent women and children perished due to your inaction. Imagine looking at their pictures in the media coverage afterwards.

Just because you’ve got a gun on your hip or in your purse doesn’t make you a junior policeman or crimestopper. Your gun is and always should be the last resort solution. Avoid or de-escalate wherever possible. Trust me, it’ll save you a lot of aggravation, money, time, and heartburn.

Also worth noting: when you roll up late to the party, sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. In other cases, life sometimes gives you a crap sandwich and you have to decide whether to take a bite or let other people potentially perish if you do nothing. As an example, there’s the story of the Illinois Department of Natural Resources cop Joe Morelock who wouldn’t allow a woman to be strangled to death in his front yard.

His 911 call for help perfectly illustrates how to handle such an incident.  Sadly, despite the police officer’s off-duty effort to de-escalate and retreat from attack, he was forced to use deadly force in front of his own kids inside his own home after the angry aggressor kicked in the door and entered.

If it’s a fight, a robbery or a simple domestic dispute involving others, should that be your problem? Probably not. Be very wary and cautious anytime you think about drawing your gun. That goes double before you decide to use it to defend someone you don’t know.

If in doubt, find cover, observe, and report to police.

Be careful and stay safe out there.