End of Civilization Watch: Victorinox to Make Swiss Army Knives Without…Knives

Is it even possible to make a Swiss Army Knife if there’s no…knife? As contradictory as that would seem to be, much of the world that strictly regulates what its citizens can own that might somehow be used as a defensive weapon is about to find out.

Given the proliferation laws in these benighted, hyper-regulated, increasingly dictatorial hellholes, Victorinox has announced that they’re going to start making a series of SAKs without the Ks for sale in these oppressive societies.

As the UK’s Guardian reports . . .

In response to an increasing number of countries imposing bans or restrictions on carrying knives, Victorinox, the Swiss firm that produces the pocket tools, is in the early stages of developing the first range of bladeless products designed specifically for activities where a blade would not be required.

“We’re concerned about the increasing regulation of knives due to the violence in the world,” said Carl Elsener, the fourth-generation CEO of the family-run company.

“In some markets, the blade creates an image of a weapon. I have in mind creating a tool that would be useful for cyclists. Cyclists have a need for specific tools but not necessarily a blade,” he said. “We already have a tool specifically for golfers.”

So basically Victorinox is going to start making multi-tools for countries where citizens can’t possibly be trusted to carry even small blades useful for everyday tasks. And as is so often the case, some of the people you can blame for this latest sign of the fall of western civilization are our cousins who inhabit the land once unironically known a Great Britain.

Last week, Mr Justice Saini blamed the “plague of knife crime” in Bristol and surrounding areas for the murder of 16-year-old Mikey Roynon, a talented teenage rapper stabbed in the neck at a house party in Bath.

The same week, a 15-year-old boy who stabbed another teenager in the heart in full view of pupils leaving a primary school in Leeds, was found guilty of murder.

With the introduction of these non-knife knives, look for the Brits to soon lose whatever remaining rights they still have to carry handy little tools with them that have [GASP!] sharp edges. And so it goes.

8 Responses

  1. I guess I could use it to spread peanut butter.

    Isn’t homicide way down in the UK, but up in Sweden? It isn’t complicated. Be honest about what caused the rates to increase or decrease. Then proceed accordingly.

    1. “Isn’t homicide way down in the UK, but up in Sweden?”

      There’s no way to tell in the U.K., since they aren’t required to accurately publish for the public to see what the violent crime rate really is. I *suspect* it’s in the interest of not ‘alarming the public’.

      As the ‘Church Lady’ was known to say (back in the day), “How conveeeeeeeenient”.

      Sweden is seeing a massive uptick in violent crime among the immigrants they stupidly invited inside their country who have *zero* interest in becoming fully-participating citizens with the native Swedes. So, they fester angrily in their free housing the Swedes provided for them, occasionally throwing live Russian-manufactured fragmentary hand grenades in the slum bars of people they disagree with…

  2. I just don’t see a 15yr old boy stabbing someone in the heart with a SWISS ARMY knife. I’ve had various Swiss Army “pocket toolchests” for the past 45 years. The blades are single-edged, three inches, and dull just from opening the mail. This is not, nor was it ever, a fighting knife.

    I wonder if they’ll discover the saw blade next. THAT is nasty and is alleged to have been what OJ used to nearly decapitate his wife. His size, strength, and level of rage were more significant than the blade though. He could have killed with just his bare hands.

    1. “The blades are single-edged, three inches, and dull just from opening the mail.”

      How deep into the chest is the heart? Slide that blade between the rib-cage…

  3. “There’s no way to tell in the U.K., since they aren’t required to accurately publish for the public to see what the violent crime rate really is.”

    Correct. Less than 30% of the violent crime in the U.K. is shown in the stats the UK public and world sees.

  4. Don’t see the significance of this. Victorinox has been manufacturing a bladeless version of their Swiss Army Knife called the Jetsetter for over 20 years in response to 9/11.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *